Loki Must Die!
by MandNwriterzz
Summary: Loki has escaped and the Tesseract is gone... again. It's up to the Avengers to see their safe return to S.H.I.E.L.D., but when their beloved Agent Romanoff is... 'corrupted, things go downhill, especially for Steve and Clint. Romanogers, Clintasha and... BlackFrost! Who will win?
1. Competition For Three

**We're back, everyone! This time, we're collaborating an Avengers fic. Info is below:**

**Summary: **Loki has escaped and the Tesseract is gone . . . again. It's up to the Avengers to see to their safe returns to S.H.I.E.L.D, but when their beloved Agent Romanoff is corrupted, things go way downhill, especially for Clint and Steve.

**Genre: **Romance/Drama/Humor

**Rating: **Language and mature themes. This is rated T for a reason.

**Pairings: **Clintasha, Romanogers, BlackFrost/Loki x Natasha (it is very complicated. :D), some mild Pepperony. We ship all of the mentioned pairings. ;)

**Disclaimer:** We do not own Marvel or the fantastic Avengers. **(N: How I wish I did, though . . . If Captain America was mine, I would- M: N, shut up and let the readers read on. We all know. *rolls eyes* N: :P.) **We also don't own any mentioned pop culture items. **(N: But it was pretty damn hilarious. XD)**

**M and N: **And without further ado, we now present _Loki Must Die!_

* * *

Prologue

_The Chitauri homeland was a deep, dark and desolate place. The sky was pitch black with the faintest smatterings of sparkling diamond like starlight. Rock hard chunks of asteroids floated on the harnesses of space and on the largest slab of dark burgundy stone sat several thrones lined in a circular loop. The metal of the thrones was rusty and flakes of silver and gold were sprinkled across them._

_The Chitauri themselves were terrifying, with their hideous faces hidden behind twisted masks of steel, armor shielding their iron muscles, metallic boots placed in front of the feet of the thrones, their gnarled fingers curled around golden goblets, their dry lips meeting the freezing the ice cold contents inside._

_But Loki had never minded them. They were his family, after all, and everyone, even the pathetic humans, knew that he was far more attractive than them._

_"Loki of Asgard," hummed one of the upper class Chitauri, stroking his covered chin. "It is now the time to find the perfect bride for you. It is essential, as you will need a partner to assist you in ruling over the humans and someone to continue your prestigious, distinguished lineage. One who is a lethal combination of beauty, power and death. Someone who only invokes awe. Full of mystery and depth. A set of principles and beliefs you're willing to devote your life to. A female warrior."_

_Loki was dressed in full Chitaurian wear, with his horned helmet perched on his head and the Tesseract scepter glowing blue. He cradled his chin in his palm, eyes drifting, thoughts going to a certain beautiful girl. Well, she was more of a goddess, really . . ._

_"And I," another one held up a hand proudly, "suggest you consider seducing the one and only . . ." He crossed over to the pedestal fixed in the center of the floating council meeting place and set down his goblet on there. A wisp of smoky mist twirled up from the goblet and formed out a very clear and detailed picture of a woman with pale blue eyes, high cheekbones, long, dark hair and full lips. She stood with one hip out, the thigh high slit of her dress pulling back to reveal a gorgeous pair of legs- and a gun strapped to her leg."Angelina Jolie."_

_"Oooh," chimed in the rest of the Chitauri in an impressed voice._

_"No!" a Chitauri exclaimed stubbornly and slammed his goblet down, knocking the other one aside. "Jennifer Aniston!"_

_Suddenly, another picture materialized and it showed a woman with long tresses of straight icy blond hair and narrowed blue eyes wearing a black shiny material bikini, shimmying down a pole in a bar filled with flashing lights and faint sultry music._

_"Ooooh!" they all chorused in unison again in a much more impressed tone as the blonde woman began to slowly slip her bikini strap down her shoulder._

_Loki grimaced deeply and turned away, an outstretched hand guarding his intense blue eyes. "That is _most_ inappropriate."_

_That Chitauri shrugged when another one bounded up. "Jennifer Lawrence."_

_Three images appeared. One was of a very attractive brunette woman with a fierce light in her eye doing a somersault and then launching an arrow from her bow, braid bouncing. The next was of the same woman, this time with long golden blonde hair, walking down a hallway in a glamorous white dress. The last was off her fighting off some military people. Loki nodded. "She does have the looks, the grace and resembles a warrior."_

_"_Aaaah!" _they sighed again, even more impressed._

_"Kristen Stewart!" a Chitauri stood up abruptly and announced. Everyone was silent for a moment and shook their heads._

_"No!" And a Chitauri stopped that one from presenting his suggestion._

_"Wait!" Another one showed and clambered to the front, light dancing in his eyes. "Why not this gorgeous- what is it the humans say nowadays?- babe?" An image of a pale blonde woman with dark blue orbs and a dazzling smile. "Emma Stone."_

_"Ooooh!" Basically, they were going way off topic and Loki mentally face palmed._

_"Ahem," he cleared his throat. "Back to important matters-"_

_"Jeremy Renner!" An image of a ruggedly handsome man with sandy brown hair and rainwater gray blue eyes appeared and the black haired man nearly fainted._

_A Chitauri stood up. "Heh, what? He's a man!"_

_"And he reminds me of Agent Barton," continued Loki in disgust. "And believe me, that is _not _a good experience. Not good memories at all, I assure you."_

_The same one who suggested the man sighed. "Fine." He brightened up then. "Then you can have his, however less attractive friend . . . Tom Cruise." Another man showed up on the screen, shirtless with a gun in hand, causing the women in the room to swoon, but Loki strode over and slashed the scepter through the image in annoyance._

_"No more suggesting men!" he ordered, banging his scepter for emphasis on his frustration. "I'm pretty sure I'm straight." When everyone stared at him in silent bewilderment, he looked up at the sky as if to say 'Why me?' "It means I'm attracted to women."_

_The rebellious Chitauri possibly raised an eyebrow. "Really?"_

_The black haired man spun on his heel, narrowed his eyes in the worst glower imaginable, half his facing warping into ashy skin and ice blue eyes. He pointed the scepter directly at that Chitauri, causing him to suddenly burst into a icy blue fiery inferno and evaporate into the air in bright azure crystalline particles._

_"Let that be a lesson to everyone who assumes I'm gay." Loki announced, striding back up to his throne._

_Everyone froze in a petrified motion and then leaned over to one another, exchanging way too obvious whispers in hushed, but passionately furious voices. Loki rolled his eyes in vexation, settling to stretching out across his throne._

_He glared sharply back at the crowd. "Whoever else believes I'm gay, leave the room _now_."_

_A moment's pause and then three or four Chitauri rose from their seats and exited the room hurriedly. Loki made an exaggerated face palm and sighed. His people were sometimes the most pathetic he had ever seen._

_"Besides," continued he, spinning the scepter in between his long, pale and slim fingers. "I have a much better choice in mind." He pointed at the center with the scepter and the Tesseract, sensing the desires of its master, glowed brightly again and everyone flinched back, hoping that he wasn't going to kill all of them. But the only thing that happened was a small flash of blue light and a gorgeous yet deadly and ferocious woman appeared. Loki couldn't help but smile as he scanned her body, feet to face._

_She was going to be his._

* * *

"Oh, Tony," sighed Pepper Potts against her boyfriend, Tony Stark's lips as she nuzzled her pale nose against his. "I am so glad we're doing this."

"Me too," he said, a genuine grin tugging on his lips as he dove in for another kiss. Their lips were pressed warmly against each other's, and it wasn't long before he brought her onto his lap and threaded his fingers into her red golden hair, their tongues massaging each other's.

"We should totally move it to the bedroom," Tony moaned as he slipped her tank top strap off her shoulder.

"Ugh! Please do!" complained a female voice and a certain red haired head popped out from the sofa that was facing its back to the making out couple. It was Natasha Romanoff, the most dangerous assassin in the world, known to man. And for the couple, that might be the worst thing possible right now. Pepper blushed and slid off Tony's lap but grabbed the front of his shirt in the process.

"Let's go, playboy," she murmured seductively, her voice low with passion.

Natasha sighed with great relief once they exited the room. Slumping her back down the couch's front, the redhead continued to mutter Russian curses about how horny those two lovebirds were. Pepper always claimed that she could complain now, but once she found 'The One', she would never be able to get away from him. Natasha had snorted out a scoff.

But perhaps, her view would change considering the challenge she was about to face a few seconds from now. She had just started to relax and flip through channels on the slim flatscreen television when two of her other, although much more mature, team mates walked in from either side of the room, their mouths and voices shaping the exact same thoughts.

"Hey, you want to go out for dinner tomorrow?" asked Steve Rogers and Clint Barton at the same time. Natasha, feeling the true impact of the words that had been expressed right now, she witnessed the very tension in the roomthat was screaming silently with so much awkwardness that it was almost palpable. She even saw the silent rivalry building between the two men.

And of course, as if the universe wanted to torture her some more, there was a slamming of a door and the urgent rush of footsteps and Tony suddenly jumped out of the hallway and into the living room.

Wearing only his boxers.

"Oh, God!" everyone cried, clapping a hand over their own eyes, trying to erase the mental image of Tony's absurd neon yellow, dollar sign covered boxers.

"Show some respect, Stark!" Clint growled, turning fully away.

"Oh, why?" Tony walked over and laid a hand on Steve's shoulder. The other man immediately shoved it off with an evident glare in his navy blue eyes.

"You know damn well why!" snapped the Captain. "Now put some clothes on!" It was an order, said with a tone that meant there was no room for discussion, but Tony shrugged nonchalantly anyway. His gaze went from Steve, to Natasha, to Clint.

"_Awk-_ward." he sang, voicing the frustrated red head's thoughts. She glared at him and then turned to say something two the other two, but stopped. They were both looking at her, slightly flushed, but with such adoring eyes that her iron heart nearly melted. Nearly.

"I can't," she finally said, trying to keep her voice as flat as possible. "I have a mission to go on. And now if you'll excuse me," she added standing up and walking towards the door. "I have to go pick up my debriefing papers."

She headed out the door and into the hallway towards the elevator, when she heard the doors slide open and close once more, followed by the pattering of two sets of feet. She turned on Clint and Steve and placed both hands on her hips, mouth set in an annoyed line.

"Alone." she said sharply. Their expressions fell, but Clint nodded and Steve saluted slightly before they both retreated to the lounge. There was a noticeable tension between them and they walked with exactly two feet between them. Natasha bit her lip and tried to drown her emotions.

It was going to be a long night.

* * *

Walking down the street, Natasha had her small and dainty hands stuffed in her pockets and her head hung down in deep thought. Great, now she had two guys chasing after her, who happened to be team mates. She liked them both and wished the right solution would just drop out of the sky and come to rescue her from this mess.

As if the universe heard her wish, and decided to screw it up again, the redhead's face snapped up to face the pitch black sky, where there was thunder rumbling inside the smoky clouds. Normally, she would think it was Thor coming, but there was a flash of blue lightning- not electric blue, an ethereal shade of blue, a color all too familiar to her. She had just managed to step back when suddenly, a streak of the lightning burst out of the clouds and planted itself just a few inches from her feet.

The force sent her flying backwards against a brick wall and her head began to swim with her indecisive thoughts. A figure was now sending a shadow across her frame and her spy instincts kicked in. She was on her feet in a second, fists raised and a murderous glint in her verdigris eyes.

But before she could react, Natasha made out the crease of a maniacal grin of his pale face and her jaw fell open as she recognized the person in front of her in the middle of the abandoned road. One word squeezed past the rock of surprise and shock stored in the middle of her throat:

_"Loki?!"_

* * *

**How was it? Good? Bad? Average? Please take a moment to leave a review and state if you like this and want it to continue. Also, favorite, pretty please! xoxo -M and N**


	2. What In The Name Of SHIELD Is Going On?

**So, very sorry (Not really... -N. Shut up! -M) this took forever but the response we were getting wasn't really good so... it was dropped for a while. Now we're back with the second chapter. This is an AU entirely, not tied to anything. Just set after Avengers. R&amp;R!**

**Pairings: Clintasha, Romanogers, BlackFrost, Thane, Pepperony. Plus some implied Lokane.  
**

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything in the Marvel Universe.**

* * *

Natasha couldn't help but stare at the God of Mischief with wide eyes and an open mouth. Loki smiled manically and twirled his staff in his fingers, shooting of blue sparks. He brought it down hard on the ground and the gold and bronze staff lit up, then spewed some more sparks. This time they went higher and changed colour.

Natasha snapped out of her shock and chose to feign disinterest. "Wow," she said drily. "You perfected your fireworks show. A cute magic trick."

Loki grinned and bowed, obviously flattered. "Did you enjoy it, Milady? It has been specially made for you."

The redheaded spy crossed her arms over her chest with a defiant glint present in her eyes. "Loki," she began through gritted teeth, though her voice sounded rather exasperated than threatening, mostly because Loki was pretty much wasting her time, "give me one good reason not to pump two rounds in you."

"Eh?" the black haired god replied, his eyebrows scrunched together and Natasha couldn't help but notice that it was slightly cute. But then she rolled her eyes.

"Shoot you with my gun, you idiot."

"Oh. One, my gloriously built chest wouldn't like that all too much," he started, touching his chest delicately, as if he valued it highly. Not that Natasha cared, of course. "And two, it's because I have come to offer you a deal you cannot refuse." His green eyes glistened in the darkness of the alley and the red haired woman felt chills run down her spine. This was not good.

She leaned back against the wall, pretending to be slightly interested again. "Oh, really? Do go on. It's not like I have to be anywhere," she ended sarcastically, staring up at the sky, where the needle of Stark Tower sparkled just miles away. Outrunning a god would not be easy, so she would have to fight her way out. Might as well keep him distracted before she kicked him in the groin and warned the other Avengers that the Tesseract and Loki had escaped the clutches of Asgard. Thor would not be pleased, but there were bigger problems at stake.

"Oh," Loki said once again, thin eyebrows both raised in surprise, as if he hadn't expected her to allow him to continue. She fought the urge to roll her eyes again. Honestly...

Momentarily caught off guard, he regained his composure and rolled his shoulders, mumbling under his breath, like he was warming up for a big game. Natasha glanced at her nails in boredom until he finally cleared his throat loudly, ready to begin his speech in a booming and sinister voice.

"Join me, Natasha!" he exclaimed, eyes practically glowing now along with the Tesseract, moving closer and closer to her. "And together, we can conquer and rule over this pathetic excuse for a dimension and accomplish many things. No one would even think of standing up to us!" He had taken a step with each word, while Natasha's expression of horror and bewilderment settled harder and harder within her. Okay, time to heat up the drama and make a run for it. He'd become even crazier in his exile apparently.

"I'll never join you!" she spat, vicious venom laced in her voice, blue green eyes blazing with outrage. How in the name of hell could he even suggest a thing? He tried to kill her, not to mention her friends . . . and Tony. Okay, all of her friends, not to mention enslaved Clint and tormented Thor and used the object of Steve's past against him and forced Banner on a mission he didn't want and caused Tony to- Oh, you get the picture. "And besides," she continued, waving a hand wildly, "how the hell can I help you? What would be in it for me?" She crossed her arms once again, pinning him with a deadly glare.

But the smile on Loki's lips - the one that a sadistic child wore when it purposely pulls of a butterfly's wings just to watch it suffer, the same harsh glimmer in the eyes and savage baring of teeth, a sadism she'd seen too much in her former occupation, Red Room- worried her to the point that her palms were sweating.

"Why, you will be my lovely wife, of course," he explained in an oddly cheerful voice.

The sentence nearly knocked the breath out of her like a ton of bricks. She wouldn't be more surprised if Fury came along and claimed he had been holding undying love for her. The way he shrugged it out so casually set her teeth on edge. Her eyes were now bulging out of their sockets. "Ex-_fucking_-cuse me?!" she seethed hotly. "What kind of proposal is that?"

Loki didn't seem to notice her rage and probably heard some other question in his head, because he started to list on his long and slim fingers, "Well, you are strong, intelligent, a skilled and graceful warrior and a queenly figure, not to mention so very beautiful . . ." He reached out a pale hand, fingers curled to cup her cheek and she immediately swatted his hand away, hard and he almost flinched back, eyes wide.

"Don't you touch me!" she burst out, fiery curls flying as she turned away from him. "I would never marry you! Never!"

"You are passionate," Loki noted, sounding extremely pleased. Natasha closed her eyes to stop them from rolling. "I respect that."

Her eyes flew open and she whirled back around to face him. She scoffed, obviously not believing him. "Respect," she repeated mockingly. "Yeah, right. You have none, bastard."

"But please do explain to me the reason why you will not marry me," Loki asked, looking genuinely curious. Natasha's mouth dropped open, an uncouth gesture, but seriously, they must have some wonky prison drugs in Asgard if he came to Earth expecting to accomplish all of this crap of a mission.

"Do I even need to?" Natasha replied, shaking her head.

"I am handsome, powerful, educated, may not be as buff and brawny as my brother, but I assure you, my figure is very well toned. Would you like to see?" He seemed to be whirling around his staff to cast some spell to get rid of clothing, so she grabbed the tip before anything horrendous could happen.

"No, no! That's fine!" He started to say more, until the redhead interrupted, "_Loki_. Those are all good reasons, and I'm sure lots of women would like a maniacal god of Mischief of their own, but that's not me. I won't marry you because _you are evil_."

"And if I wasn't, would you marry me?"

"I never said that," Natasha responded quickly. _Don't get any wrong ideas._

Loki then shrugged. "Eh, whatever. It's more fun being evil anyway."

"Oh, come on, Loki. Isn't there some girl back on Asgard for you?" Natasha stalled for time, thinking of escape routes. Finding one, she settled on the conversation.

"Not really. I mean, there's Sif, but she's got a thing for Thor, of course. So does-" He stopped, and Natasha was startled to see devastation on his features as he stared down at the ground. She didn't expect him to have feelings at all, but here he was, looking crestfallen at the mention of the other woman who had fallen for Thor instead. Maybe that's why they hated each other. Thor probably, by accident, took away the person he loved. Natasha really didn't know anyone who liked Thor besides . . .

_Oh, God._

"Wait a second. You love-"

"Don't even finish that sentence," he interrupted her sentence with a threatening one. "Now, come willingly with me, Lady Natasha, or I will have to take you by force."

"Um," she began coyly. "How about 'C: None of the above'?" She then delivered a firm kick in his abdomen and tossed the glowing staff to the side, picking it back up to point it threateningly at Loki.

"Ah, knew I'd have to be on my knees for this," he commented wryly. He then vanished into the air, fading into the air, a glistening outline the only thing left. Damn it, he'd done one of his stupid cloning things. She cursed in Russian under her breath and searched around the valley. No sign of him. All she had to do was make it the Stark Tower and explain to the others-

"Let go, it's mine!" someone behind her hollered and she elbowed him in the abdomen once more, the weakened spot her only advantage. They battled furiously for control of the staff, until she realized it was no point in holding unto it anyway. She used a grappling hook to wrap around a jutting-out pipe and hooked her legs around Loki's head, snapping it to the side. He was a god, so he'd get back up in a few minutes.

Natasha dashed off, but she barely got to the corner when an electrifying blast rammed into the small of her back and a paralyzing wave crept up her nerves, seizing control of her whole body as she slowly careened to the ground, clawing at it slowly as the blackness threatened to overtake her. She blinked and many face floated in front of her vision. Pepper's, Tony's, Banner's, Thor's, Clint's and Steve's, the last two lasting longer than they should have and she could still sense them in her heart as Loki pointed the tip of the staff to her chest . . .

* * *

Tony looked up from his scrambled eggs the next morning and surveyed the Avengers Tower.

"Where's Natashalie?" he mumbled as he slowly chewed on his breakfast. Clint munched on his toast with a slight frown as he flicked through messages on his phone. Steve was doing the same, both of them exchanging concerned looks with eyebrows furrowed every five minutes.

"I'm not sure. She promised to text once she was done, but . . ." He trailed off and his frown deepened.

Steve gulped down his coffee then drummed his fingers on the marble table top. "Maybe she just spent the night with a friend," he suggested meekly, but one look from Clint made him take his words back. Tony snickered.

"The Black Widow and _friends?_ Doubtful." he snorted. "Some guy she met at a bar, on the other hand, understandable." At that, Clint dropped his unfinished toast back on the plate and stood up, dusting off his jeans.

"I'm going to see if I can get through to her," he said gruffly and strode out of the room.

"What did I do?" Tony called out after him. Steve gave Iron Man a dirty look as well and looked he wanted to leave too and the man shrugged. "Seriously, what did I-"

"Sir," JARVIS interrupted suddenly. "Director Fury from S.H.I.E.L.D. is on holographic media and wishes to speak to you and the Avengers."

"Tell him to call back later, JARVIS," Tony replied. "I'm trying to enjoy my breakfast."

"Of course sir." A pause echoed and Tony rolled his eyes because he knew JARVIS was about to send some stupid message from Fury and sure enough, JARVIS did. "He says, and I quote: 'Stark, get your big, lazy ass off that stool right now and turn on the projector or so help me God, I will find a way to turn you into a huge metal pretzel." JARVIS paused again. "He also said that it was a matter of life and death and that the whole world is at stake."

Steve gave Tony another look and the billionaire sighed. "Of course. Patch him through, JARVIS."

The two Avengers spun around in their seats to face the hologram bound to project itself into the center of the living room. Just as it was forming, Bruce Banner padded into the room, looking sleepy without his glasses and just slippers and a bathrobe. He turned his head to see the hologram of Fury giving him an excellent stink eye and jumped back in surprise.

"Jesus! I thought I was just dreaming when I saw Fury standing in the middle of our living room."

"You wish," Tony muttered under his breath. "What is it, Fury? Do you have an attractive villainess which you need my powerful powers of charm and persuasion and handsomeness?" Steve smacked him upside the head with his mug. "Oh, watch it, Capsicle! This is an important image right here!"

Steam arose from the hall as Thor strutted out, a frown on his face and wearing only a fluffy white towel. "Enough of this childish banter! How may we be of service, Lord Nick Fury?"

Fury smiled in appreciation of the title. "Thank you, Thor, for your utmost respect for me. You could learn a thing or two from him, Stark." Tony just replied with a #JudgingYou look.

"Is anything wrong, Lord Fury?" Thor asked, his abs rippling as he stomached down a plate of waffles.

"Um, perhaps you may acquire some clothing," Fury asked wryly, "but no, it's too dangerous to speak over holographic media. Report to S.H.I.E.L.D Headquarters at once."

Silence followed. Tony leaned his chin on his fist, as if waiting for more.

"NOW!" Fury growled and the Avengers all rose up in confused realization.

"Oh, _now_!"

"Let's go!"

"What, now?" Banner complained, throwing down the newspaper on the table. "I haven't even made my breakfast yet."

Steve grabbed the collar of his gray T-shirt with one hand and his trousers with the other and tore them off in a flash. All the men screamed like little girls and shielded their eyes, only to peek through their fingers and discover that Steve was fully dressed in his shiny blue-red-and-white, spangly Captain America uniform, freshly ironed and washed.

Tony's mouth fell open. "How'd you hide the shield?" he asked suspiciously, eying the huge disc stationed on his back.

"That, Mr. Stark, is a secret that must never be told out loud," Steve replied vaguely.

Then the elevator doors chimed and slid open to reveal Natasha Romanoff at the threshold, dressed in the same clothes she had been decked out in last night and wearing a blank expression. She slowly blinked and processed everything. But Steve was rushing around the couch and was immediately by her side, wrapping her in a brief hug and then pulling away, blue eyes swelling with worry yet sparkling warmly at the sight of her.

"Natasha, thank God!" he exclaimed in relief, hands still squeezing the sides of her arms. "Are you alright? I've been worried sick." Tony raised his eyebrows with Banner at the use of 'I' rather than 'we'._ Love was so . . ._

"I'm fine, Steve," she nodded once, voice sounding flat.

"Good morning, Natashalie," Tony said, crossing his arms.

"Good morning, Tony," she greeted politely, not even noticing the harshness of his voice. She disappeared down the hall, the sound of a door slamming son following. Clint rushed down the hall.

"Hey, was that Natasha?"

"Yeah . . ." all of them drawled, staring down her path in bewilderment.

"That was really weird," Tony said.

"Yes," Fury nodded gravely. "Agent Romanoff actually treated you with respect. She knows very well that you don't deserve it from her."

The billionaire shot him the blackest look he could manage, but Fury just evaporated into the air, the hologram fizzling out. JARVIS's voice followed soon after. "Sir, may I allow the incoming helicopter to land?"

Tony gave everyone else a 'I told you so'-kind-of look and Clint rolled his eyes. "Yeah, JARVIS."

"Okay, let me just finish making my eggs," Banner mumbled in a strained voice as Steve was trying to tug him away from the stove. "Captain, hold on! Thor, grab the salt!"

Thor carried a plate stacked high with waffles and Pop Tarts and easily captured the saltshaker as the Avengers strutted out the door . . .

"Uh, Natasha?" Steve called out as he popped his head back through the door. "Fury's calling. We gotta go!"

A few minutes slowly passed, until the door slowly creaked open and Natasha walked out in an almost unfamiliar proud trot, strapped up in tight black Kevlar. "What are we waiting for then?" she snapped in the same flat tone she had used before.

Something was wrong. Very wrong.

* * *

"There you are," Agent Maria Hill snapped as soon as the Avengers except for Clint, who had dropped off on the floor below to acquire some new weapon upgrade, crowded themselves into the elevator. "You're late," she noted, staring down at her watch. Tony smirked.

"Tony Stark is never late," he announced pompously. "Everyone is simply early."

Maria rolled her eyes as the elevators finally shifted open with a ping and she stepped out into the chaos of the meeting room. Agents milled around, pushing past each other, whispering into the crackles of walkie talkies and several images blipped up into the screen, showing familiar blueprints, but the vanished into a new image before Steve and Tony could catch a look. Both of them caught each other's eyes and both nodded suspiciously. Both of them knew not to trust S.H.I.E.L.D with everything they had. They needed to be on their toes.

"Ah, Avengers," Fury stated calmly, standing at the elevated plane overlooking the whole of the room. The design looked much like the helicarrier's. He didn't even turned to look at them. "Dr. Banner, I do believe the time for breakfast is over."

Banner, who had been carrying a plate stuffed with freshly made sunny-side-up eggs and a side of mashed potatoes, halted with a mouthful of the creamy white substance in his mouth. "Excuse me, but next time, don't call in the middle of the morning. It's Sunday."

"Exactly my point," Tony agreed and Banner gave him a nod.

"Sir," Maria whispered in Fury's ear. "Should I go and find Thor some clothes?"

"Hmm?" The Director glanced over his shoulder and immediately whipped his head back at the flash of toned and tanned chest skin complete with soft, golden hair. Thor still hadn't changed and was still in the fluffy Stark Industries towel wrapped around his strong hips. Of course, he didn't notice since he was too intoxicated by his Pop Tarts, literally inhaling them beside Banner, who took his time with eating. _Some Avengers_. "Oh, yes. _Immediately_," he hissed insistently. Maria nodded and stalked off briskly. He turned his gaze back out the huge glass window, watching the city below him.

"So, Fury." Tony walked up, the rest of the Avengers following. "What is it this time? HYDRA? More world catastrophes? Tesseract shit? Fangirls swarming your doorstep for my autograph?"

Now Fury spun on his heel slowly and gazed straight into Tony's eyes with so much intensity Tony's tongue locked up and his throat went dry from the gravity of his tone. "The Tesseract is gone," Fury uttered solemnly.

"_What_?" Tony breathed out in an astonished voice, eyes widening with actual fear, PTSD threatening to take him again.

"The Tesseract is gone," Fury repeated in the same sober tone.

"_What_?" Banner gasped, appearing in front of Tony, feeding himself a piece of egg afterwards.

"The Tesseract is gone," Fury said once more, an edge creeping into his voice.

"_What_?" Thor spat out furiously, dropping the Pop Tarts on the floor in a heap and shoving past Banner so violently his towel almost slipped off.

"The Tesseract is gone," Fury said through gritted teeth, eye blazing with reined-in aggravation.

"Say _what_?" Steve demanded, eyebrows knitted together.

"The Tesseract is- _Oh, for crying out loud!_" Fury almost yelled in outrage, throwing up his hands wildly. "I'm not repeating it again!" He brushed past the group of dumbfounded Avengers, who still stood there in shock, all except Natasha, who still looked zoned out.

Just then, Clint had been walking towards them and Fury shot him a sideways glare as he stomped past him, his anger radiating off him like a red hot iron rod. He jutted a thumb towards his retreating figure. "What's up?" he asked, the rest surrounding him.

"The Tesseract is gone," Tony told him in an almost nonchalant voice, covering up his terror.

"_What_?!" Clint cried out, mouth falling open.

"The Tes- Oh, he's right. This _is_ annoying." The billionaire then rolled his eyes as he moved forward.

* * *

"How can this be, Lord Fury?" Thor thundered an hour or so later. He was fully dressed now in jeans, a fitted shirt and jacket and was nervously swinging Mjolnir around. Everyone else sat six feet away from him, in the hopes that they wouldn't end up headless.

"I was hoping you could answer that question, Thor," Fury replied crisply, clasping his hands behind his back. "How is the gamma radiation tracking going, Dr. Banner?"

"It would be better if I could get some nutrients in my system," Banner retorted sarcastically under his breath, then added, "Uh, going well. It's almost finished finding it. Are you sure it would be on Earth? What if Loki just zapped himself on another planet?"

"We cannot take any chances. We must be prepared if it is somewhere located on our holy ground."

"Of course," Tony quipped from his spot at the back. "That's S.H.I.E.L.D's motto: 'Be prepared'. Or is it, 'Leave it to the professionals, AKA the amateurs'?" Steve once again whacked Tony on the head as he started his way to the front.

"Fury, how are you even sure that the Tesseract is even missing?" Steve questioned suspiciously, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I haven't caught up on the daily Asgardian Gossip Channel, because . . . Well, there isn't one!" Tony called, and there were a few titters, but Maria Hill shut him up with a glare. Funny, that was Natasha's duty, but she just sat by him, still and silent. It was almost creepy.

Fury sighed. "Our detectors did catch a signal whose radiation waves only matched the Tesseract ones we have on file. We couldn't locate it, but we're damn sure it came from the Tesseract." He turned. "Now, Dr. Banner?"

"Almost there. A Pop Tart would help it move faster."

"Why, of course you can- Wait! Don't give it to him!" An agent whom Banner had eyed- or more specifically, his plate- had risen from his seat, ready to hand him the extra one, but Fury caught the trick just in time. "Very amusing, Doctor. This technology is very delicate. The slightest crumb can start it from-"

"I know, I know. Yeesh." The familiar beeping now sounded and he said, "Ah, there we go."

"And if Loki is indeed truly back?" Steve asked quietly, making sure Thor didn't hear.

"Whaddya think, Cap'n? Drag his ass back over here and we'll take care of the-"

"_Oh my God_," Banner breathed, sweat gleaming on his skin as he slid his glasses off his widening eyes.

"What is it?" the Captain demanded, walking over to the screen.

"The signal is right in the center of . . . _here_."

At the sound of a struggle, everyone whirled around to see Natasha, eyes still cold, flat and blank, her delicate hands wrapped firmly around Tony's neck as she shook him back and forth like a crazy cartoon character a few inches above the floor. Tony's face was melting into purple and his fingers groped at Natasha's arm, desperately trying to loosen it. The spy then kicked in front of her, the window shattering and the wind howling through the room. Now latching her hands onto Tony's shirt, she hauled him through the window, where he tumbled down, down, down through the clouds and out of sight.

The room was a second too late with its reaction and everyone was hollering, raising their guns up. Thor was across the room in a flash, gripping Natasha's biceps and lifting her into the air, a deep scowl present on his features.

"Lady Natasha, what in the name of Odin is _wrong_ with you?" he shouted in rage when suddenly a blue light rippled through the room, everyone freezing at the sound of a chilling voice.

"I swear, I think I just heard Loki laugh," Banner said, while all of the heads in the room turned towards the other side of the room, where, sure enough, Loki was standing there, scepter in hand and wearing the hugest grin on his face.

"Excuse me, brother," he started in a mock polite and sweet voice towards Thor, who stared at him in utter shock. "But I would appreciate it very much if you would get your grabby paws off my _wonderful_ fiancee."

The whole room was in a deafening silence, everything still . . .

Save for Banner fainting.

* * *

**Yayy! That's all for now, folks. If you want more, you're going to have to R&amp;R and Fave and Follow B)  
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